Guide to Supporting Shy Children at Your Early Learning Center

In the following guide, we offer strategies for supporting shy toddlers and preschoolers at your early learning center. Shyness can be met with positivity, encouragement, and support from loving caregivers. Read on to find out how!

How You Perceive Shy Children Matters

Chances are, you have more than one shy toddler or preschooler in your early learning program, and you may be wondering how you can best support these children to help them bloom and thrive. The way you perceive shy children will greatly impact your ability to help them grow in confidence and blossom day to day at your childcare program. Let’s take a look at two common views of shyness in young children. 

Some people view shyness as a negative trait—a challenging behavior to overcome or fix. These individuals may have been outgoing and sociable children themselves or may care for other little ones who seem more confident and ready to socialize. Shyness could be viewed as a hindrance to making friends, bonding with adult caregivers, or being willing to try new things and go new places. While it’s true that shy children may have more difficulty doing these things, viewing shyness negatively can harm, rather than help, shy children thrive. 

A more helpful view of shyness, whether it is a temporary phase of early childhood development or a permanent personality trait, is that of a natural and normal behavior that some children have a proclivity towards based on their genetics and temperament. Caregivers who recognize that shy children have unique strengths and skills that their more gregarious companions may lack can more easily view shy youngsters as in need of support to help them be themselves, rather than correction to help them be like other children. Ultimately, shyness can present unique challenges to these children and their caregivers, but accepting them for who they are is the first step to being able to understand, sympathize with, and empower them to grow in confidence. 

Let’s explore several ways caregivers can do just that.

How to Support Shy Children at Your Early Learning Center

Accept and love shy children for who they are, and tell them so. 

The most important thing you can do for shy children in your care is to unconditionally accept and love them for who they are. Be sure to tell them with words and show them with actions that you love and accept them as the unique individuals they are. Reassure them that everyone has different personalities, some outgoing and some timid, and that you admire them for the special person they are. 

Speak positively about shy children. 

The second most important thing you can do for shy children is to speak positively about them to other adults and children, especially in their presence. Using positive language to highlight their strengths instead of using negative language to point out their weaknesses will build them up and help them develop confidence. When you introduce or describe a shy child to someone else, be sure to draw attention to their strengths and good qualities. 

Give shy children time to warm up. 

Shy children naturally need more time to warm up in social situations, so be sure to give them that extra time. Allow shy children to spend time observing other children and watching what’s going on. Let them decide when and to what extent they would like to interact with adults or other children in a social situation.  

Provide presence, support, and encouragement in social situations. 

Shy children also need to know you, their trusted caregiver, are with them to provide your presence and support in various social situations. Stay with them as much as possible, while encouraging them to explore and interact with other children. Be ready to lend a hand if it looks like a shy child would like to engage with other children but doesn’t know how. 

Praise “brave” social behavior. 

Boost shy children’s confidence by praising “brave” behaviors as you observe them. For example, responding to others, using eye contact, or playing away from you may be challenging for shy children. Be sure to praise these “brave” moments with specific words of affirmation. 

Model confident social behavior.

Make it a point to model friendly social behavior in front of shy children. Initiate conversation with the shy child, other children, or other adults, smile, and offer a friendly greeting. Modeling confident behavior gives hesitant children an opportunity to learn from and imitate you. 

Let shy children know their feelings are valid, and talk about feelings. 

Be sure to ask shy children what they are thinking and feeling in different social situations. Help them understand that their feelings are completely normal. Big feelings can be really tough for young children to identify and express, whether or not they are shy, so be sure to provide support and consider using emotion cards to help little ones process. 

Choose playmates with care. 

Set up shy children for successful social interactions by choosing playmates with care. Think small by encouraging playtime with one or two children who the shy child feels comfortable around and who are laid back and not overly loud or aggressive. Accept the shy child’s boundaries by not forcing him or her to socialize. 

Go slowly. 

Shy children can become easily overwhelmed by too many people or too much stimulation. Take things slow by keeping in mind what these children need most: the freedom to be who they are, to feel safe and supported, and to grow in confidence little by little. Try not to place so much emphasis on one social interaction, but look at the big picture as they grow and develop. 

Practice, practice, practice. 

Finally, boost shy children’s confidence by helping them practice social skills. Role-play a variety of social situations with a shy child and help them work out how to feel comfortable in these interactions. Providing these social tools ahead of time can help shy children feel empowered in otherwise intimidating situations. 

We hope these ten tips help you discover how to support shy children at your early learning center. Together we can help these little ones build confidence to be who they are! 

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